Mile High

Oof, I'm on the plane.

The last time I was on a plane, by this time, I would have been hopelessly fighting back tears, borderline hyperventilating wondering if it would be weird if I ripped the oxygen mask from its compartment.

Help yourself first, and then assist others right?

I was in this predicament since I was traveling (without my husband) with my 3 little kids. A 1 year old who had, of course, started projectile vomiting the night before, a 3 year old aspiring gymnast and a 4 year old who could not make up her mind between The Princess and The Frog or The Little Mermaid DVDs.

Masochistic you ask?

Apparently yes.

My husband had a rare bout with Lyme disease (which he attributes to the oil spill...but, that's a whole other story) and I was desperately craving the smell of Baie Saint-Marie's salty water and the taste of my mom's potatoes.

It was one of those rare instances where I'm completely confident in my ability to take on a task as daunting as this one.

Oh, how soon that confidence sadly started dwindling away.

Two grueling 3-4 hour plane rides with a SHORT layover in Detroit (where, by the way, there are no motorized courtesy carts, so yeah, I was that insane mom running through the airport with her 3 kids stuffed in a wheel chair...I was NOT missing that flight!), my confidence was crushed, hammered, partie.

The first flight was harder than childbirth.

I literally wanted to take the heavily made-up flight attendant hostage and make HER try and make a 1 year old sit quietly in HER lap while I walk by her and annoyingly ask, ''Biscoff or pretzels ma’am?''

How about a shot gun and/or Valium please!

She was a bitch!

Thank God for the lovely, gay (I have to specify…you'll get it in a second) male flight attendant on the second flight.

“Ma’am, would you like some crayons and paper for your kids?”

I was so helplessly grateful; I was a purple crayon shy of offering this wonderful man my body for surrogacy.

Anyway, the Tim Horton’s Timbits and of course seeing my family, made this exhausting trip worthwhile.

But let me tell you, sitting here, writing quietly, with the absence of wet wipes and crumbled Pringles everywhere, makes this plane ride as peaceful and enjoyable as a day at the spa:-)

No biscoff for me...uhmm gourmet cheese and grapes please! Bliss:-)